Auto-Mirages.

26th birthday thoughts =)

2009-10-06T04:48:00.002+08:00

Here I am at 4am wide awake, reminiscing on past events, mistakes and lessons learnt. It's 4 more days to my flight and exactly a week to my birthday. Which is always a reason for me to brood and mope about things. But not this year. [ i pray]

It is certainly a milestone to celebrate. I've come so far from surviving life's worse battles and closing off the scars and chapters that come with them. What with ending of friendships, relationships, family ties, left homeless and jobless and broke with no change given. Phew.. who am I to complain? Those are life's most important lessons even how much i wish I was another person, another girl belonging to another family. There are always people worse off than me, i always tell myself.

I've seen the bigger picture of my life. I cannot depend on anyone but myself; for success as well as happiness. No one is gonna take care of me except for myself. That's the truth about life.

I love my family more than life itself even though they weren't that supportive in most of my decisions. I accept that because nothing can change how i feel about them. It is where I belong.

I could have loads of friends. [from the fag groups, to the zoolanders to the bloggers]I'm a people-magnet to be frank but those past events left me with such a distrust towards the human race that Im really happier, left alone. Anyone who tries to get too close, would be automatically be closed off from my world. Those who are patient to wait and see who I am beneath that fun-loving exterior .. are the ones who are true to me.

I am not a lazy person. Truth be told; i have big dreams and expectations about myself. I want to be a photographer, dabbling in the arts and making my mark in the world. My expectations are so high that I have given up on life at some point in time. Like everyone else, I need time to heal. Yes, I am a hippie at this moment but give me more time to figure things out, to heal and to mend. Don't expect me to jump and bounce off that fast. I am not that sort of person.

So there u go; my thoughts on the different aspects of my life. And yes - My 26th birthday wish is to lead a simple life. No complications, no distractions. Depending on only myself to get my own happy ending. Whatever it may be.

Happy birthday, mira.

If I disappear.

2009-09-28T05:08:00.002+08:00

It's often too late to reconcile, myself from the history i have left, never in any regret for anything; No - "perhaps it could be different"; nor "if i did this, everything would have been better".

Now, everything is as it should be, and it has always been as it should have been.

I remember Steve Jobs, speaking clearly on aging and being older; that one connects the dots of the seemingly in-congruent choices, radical osmosis of youthful exuberance, of near death experiences and most importantly - really stupid financial decisions. All of which accumulates and is the sum of your present perfect situation.

Looking back at my insignificant time here on earth (26 years is really a short timeline in the grand scheme of the universe) i am no different from when i started this adventure, i still cry, poop and eat... But everything else is different. I think it was Heidegger who said the eyes are the window of a Man's soul, i don't know if that is true, but when i look into the eyes of the many people I've had the privilege of coming into contact with, i see a brightness, even the dark ones who live in romantic tragedy. They all have that same glow, just like the day they were born.

People intrigue me, they always have. I remember when i was a child, i used to just sit in silence and watch people. I didn't say a word to anyone, i would just look at them. That unnerved a lot of the adults and I always wondered why. The call to question existence and everything in it, took over my life when i was in college, and that kinda got me in immense trouble with the teachers. I just couldn't buy the notion that numbers on a certificate, would dictate my life's direction. It seemed stupid at the time, and really,.... it still does.

A measure of a man lives is in his ability to create, not in his ability to regurgitate information. That shaped how i would lead my life. Of course i was not able to comprehend life then as i do now, but i made choices that were fascinating and enriching to me, even if it got me into trouble in this society i live in. The trouble, simply fueled my passion to philosophize further and dwell into spaces my peers never touch nor knew about.

Outcast and misunderstood, i loved my journey of solitude; the days i spent in parks by myself, not going home, but were the happiest days i can remember. The vast amount of time spent on thinking and writing, were invaluable. Looking back, I could have got a job, done more school work, made more money, spending time being a hobo taught me more, then any class or course.

Now, life is clear, my direction is paved and my visions are slowly but surely crystallizing. I've stepped on toes, broke countless promises and disappointed too many people, in this journey, and i know that hampered many things, and for that i am sorry. Cause the fear of expressing my wisdom, and relying on self will were battles i lost daily. The repercussions of which are still echoing in my life of which i embrace, surrendering to karma.

But today, i experienced the uncanny sensation of looking at my own eyes, and seeing for the first time, a child. Observing her, and a-washed of feelings of being under my favourite tree, notepad in hand, and a smile on my face. Today i died, as i will tomorrow, and the day after. No different from the day i started to the day i end.

It's all good.

[Goals and Targets]

2009-09-28T04:49:00.001+08:00

I'm a spontaneous creature, i admit. To the point of being rather unpredictable [laughs] but i also love making plans at times. Just to keep track of things, u know.. because I can get lost in my own world for a long period of time and that's scary if you know, how it works. So, here's a plan of some sort as i muddle thru my mid- twenties:

- Get back to school.
If you asked me; photography and being creative is what makes me tick for as long as i can remember. So yeh. Back to school of photography. For the kicks. For the joy of it. Because Learning is never-ending and makes me happy.

- Maintain weight.
I know i can never be stick-thin ( I don't like that look anyway) But I have to constantly swim cycle, doing crunches and climbing the stairs. [ hell yeah i exercise 5 times a week okay!]

- Maintaining my health
I'm not really a healthy person, what with the low blood, aches here and there. [sighs] I'm constantly popping Vitamin C and E, Drinking tea, detoxing myself and eating less of those sinful foods. So yeah, this is to remind myself.

- Reading up more
Knowledge is power. Enough said.

- Travel like a gypsy.
I have plans to visit Turkey. Rome. France. Scotland. India and perhaps Japan. Yeah, I can get ambitous like that but it's good to dream, i say.

-DIY
Paint.cook.photography.draw.jewellery.sing
Because I am good at that. HAHA.

- Pull myself back at the seams
I'm never good at any relationships. Friendships. Or whatever it is called. I'm constantly leaving people [ or vice versa] because I'm never good at trusting or getting back when people called. Things like that. I live in my world, my private world a lot. I won't promise to change that even though i know it is unhealthy. But I'm trying to make myself a whole person. =)

So there you are.. my long term goals and targets. Short and simple. I can do it. JIA YOU!

Tonight, oh tonight..

2009-09-25T04:49:00.001+08:00

So tonight, I’m up… ALL NIGHT LONG ALL NIGHT ALL NIGHT LOOOONG *sings Lionel Richie* and my two little friends are my laptop and fan humming nearby which basically keeps me company in the dark.

I can't sleep AGAIN. What's new huh? I'm well known among friends for not sleeping at nights anyway. But I am so god-damn tired and i wish i could sleep but try as i might, i just couldn't. wtf.
Watched a flick (Phobia2) earlier in the evening with my best friend. It's supposed to be a horror flick but I actually find it laughable during certain scenes, which are made even funnier so because of the antics made by the audience during certain some oh-not-so-scary scenes. Yawn.

People always commented that It is extremely boring to watch horror flicks with me because I tend to have lack of responses or expressions! I thought i'm supposed to be concentrating on the show? Where got time to make faces like you guys huh? Not that I am not frightened or anything but I have this mindset that it is not real anyway, why do you have to feel afraid? Waste of my emotions only. Makes sense anot? lol.

So. I have been spending an awful lot of my time at home recently. Doing what, you may ask? Loads actually. I have been reading. painting. packing stuff. throwing stuff. facebooking. writing letters to my penpals. cooking. making jewellery.watching my stack of Dvds [ gray's anatomy, True blood, doll house ]and reading more stuff. I actually enjoyed being at home. Surprise. surprise. I thought i would have spent my vacation going out, you know.. shopping, exploring, taking photos.. you know, just out and about. But I'm an unpredictable soul.

But i'm happy. And at peace. perhaps I kept most of the skeletons in my closet, and not willing to talk about the demons there but i managed well.

I was thinking of spending my time with the people i love before i fly off soon next month..thinking of making plans to do things that are seemingly random and spontaneous.

Any ideas? I have already consulted the local singapore map. haha.

Okay, i think i have rant enough. Going to try to sleep :)

Life is indeed short. make full use of it .

Eid 2009

2009-09-23T18:50:00.006+08:00

Is good.

I didn't hide. I didn't feel bad at all. Nor think of anything remotely bad. And I think it is a good start right?

I stuff myself with good ole rendang, lontong, sambal goreng and kuih. I cam-whore. I made myself up. I wear my baju. And i went visiting.

Heck, I even stroll for a bit at Orchard Road in my baju kurong. Had macdonald's with him.

If you asked me, I'm doing a pretty good job in moving on. Time heals, after all =)

P/s: This year's lebaran pictures would be private under facebook.

[I am free to make choices that make me feel happy]

2009-09-14T13:19:00.000+08:00

I think i have like, officially lost the whole mojo to blog full-time on a regular basis as time goes by. Which is sad because i think it is the outlet where i express all my emotions what i can't do on humans. But I'm not that animatedly emotional now compared to the past, isn't it? I have stopped feeling [or rather, good at blocking] feelings of resentment,sadness or anything remotely depressing. I have succeeded in perfecting the art of normal human behavior. But it could also be due to cutting away those people who caused turmoils in my life? Hmmm.. I never really thought about it. But it IS possible =)

Less thinking = better sleep at night. [ Although i still sleep at ungodly hours, but that's besides the point because I could be facebooking or laughing over something stupid at supper] I don't really reminisne the past, or thinking wistfully over the many what-ifs that could happen if i didn't do this or that. Personally, I think it is all stupid and waste-of-time.

Yes, healthy dosages of emotions are good. They are what makes you human and compassionate. But what applies to other humans can't really apply to me because I can be over the edge to the point of being taken advantage of due to my vulnerability and trusting nature. Which is bad. Bad from previous lessons. And like a automatic switch, that beacon of emotions just simply switched off one day. It happens, when u received a wake up call i guess.

I don't see where this entry is heading to, when all I wanted to say is that I'm happy. And excited to be given this new chance to live life thru the eyes of another perceptive. =)

Right and so, to end this abrupt ending I have an update to make: I would be MIA from singapore from the 10th October - 24th October. MIA means No blogging and No facebooking because Shanghai, or rather China have banned all these networking websites. Hopefully, not twitter as well because I was hoping to tweet from there. [Sigh]

I will try to blog again before I leave. Till then, stay safe and healthy =)

[ Blogger still cannot upload any photos. Which is fine with me becos i seldom post up pictures of myself on my blog now, except for facebook which is private.. so yeah. But it is hard when i want to illustrate a point]

Love,
Shamira

RandomUpdates

2009-08-16T13:55:00.000+08:00

1] Having total body ache thanks to a recent cycle all the way to Vivocity from my home and back again right after recovering from a flu virus. Took a total of non-stop 8 hours. I don't think i will be doing that anytime soon -__-

2] Shanghai trip is comfirmed in october [ 1st - 14th Oct ] I cannot wait for some bonding time with joachim, shopping, photo-taking, sightseeing and most importantly, the feeling of independency because it is my very first time travelling on my own. And i hope it is off on a good start. I pray for it =)

3] Ramadhan is less than a week away. I'm glad yet, aprehensive. I don't know how I would be doing this year round but i pray that I would be more resilent, reflective and dutiful.

4] My etsy store is less than a week old but I'm glad of the sales. Gonna put up more items soon enough and make more stuff. I love what I am doing, currently =)

5] I'm gonna be a spiritual hippie. ^^

Lastly, I leave you with a quote:

''God invented the delete button 4 a reason. Nothing is permanent, everything changes, the choice is yours how you want 2 go about it."

Think about that.

August, finally.

2009-08-03T19:01:00.002+08:00

First of all, WHATS UP WITH BLOGGER MAN?!~ Cannot upload pictures for the longest time ever! And i have like, things to blog! [ knn ]

Right, so I'm making things now with my rather free and quiet time - I love it - and awaiting the opening of my store but until blogger is able to do something about the damn picture uploading, I cannot show you what Im making! * in dramatic mode*

Just an update, Im exploring materials like resin, jewellery making, tote and bags as well as silk screening. I know it has been ages since I left this crafty hobby of mine high up in the shelves, but i think it is time to clean off the dust and start making things!Besides, im happy when Im busy. =)

On another note, Im no longer using my friendster account or my old number anymore so to the people who kept messaging me good nights and what nots, Im not receiving it alright? =) Sorry, but I really believe my life is much better AND peaceful with lesser people. [ a sign of old age now , haha ]The only thing active on my other accounts would only be my FACEBOOK and TWITTER and even then, i communicate when i want to. So yeah.

Gtg now. Stay in love.

Bon shamira.

Each person we let ourselves care about: is one more loss down the line.

2009-07-27T02:15:00.003+08:00

Time check is 2am and I haven't really gotten to bed even though I am really exhausted. I am not sure who is reading this on-off dead blog of mine but tonight, I am gonna pretend that no one is reading because I have something to confide [alittle]to this blog of mine. [sigh]

Nothing is wrong here but i kinda feel the end year blues is creeping up on me slowly, waiting to ambush me when I least expects her arrival. And i hate it. I hate spending happy festivals with people - it kinda make my mind go blank, perhaps a reaction to avoid feeling happy during these moments, I'm not sure but I dread this feeling.

I admit i have trust issues - so deep that I can't really meet new people and letting them to know me. The real me. Because, what am i supposed to talk to them about? My family? My background? My beliefs? My incomprehensible gifts? No, It is all so taboo to me because I am looking for acceptance and understanding. People, people in general won't understand what I am going through. AND I can't afford people looking at me as though I am a nutcase. Or with pity.

I have people, whom i spend almost a decade with; my hopes, memories, happiness, confides and sorrows with,leaving me because they couldn't accept me - what hope there are for other people in general? It is scary and no,I don't trust anyone but myself. I'm sorrry if I seemed like a closed book most of the times; It is not personal but I am just protecting myself =)

There is no point to this entry - just a need to type and to let some emotions flow out of my body. I'm gonna be okay, just like what I always tell my own reflection each day.

On another note:

''If there's a crisis, you don't freeze, you move forward. You get the rest of us to move forward. Because you've seen worse. You've survived worse, and you know we'll survive too. You say you're all dark and twisty. It's not a flaw, it's a strength. It makes you who you are. I'm not gonna get down on one knee, I'm not gonna ask a question. I love you Meredith Grey, and I wanna spend the rest of my life, with you.

- If i ever find my soulmate, I will imagine him saying this line to me if he propose to me.. a line i gotten from grey's anatomy which causes all the hair on my arms to stand because only then I will know he has truly seen me not from the surface, but also deep into my eyes.

Excuse my emo-ness tonight. Hey, my blog, my say ok?

Night bloggers.

The mirror is the key to our answers ...

2009-07-23T11:07:00.000+08:00

Looking for a good life partner? Be a good person first, "[In the nature of things,] corrupt women are for corrupt men, and corrupt men, for corrupt women – just as good women are for good men, and good men, for good women...." (The Quran, 24:26) -- Complaining about our life partner? Mirror ourselve first :)

Lost love letter reunites couple after 16 years

2009-07-22T21:06:00.002+08:00

LONDON (AFP) - - A British man and his Spanish former sweetheart have finally married 16 years after they drifted apart, reunited by a love letter lost behind a fireplace for over a decade, reports said on Monday.

Steve Smith and Carmen Ruiz-Perez, both now 42, fell in love 17 years ago when she was a foreign exchange student in Brixham, southwest England, and got engaged after only a year together. But their relationship ended after she moved France to run a shop in Paris.

A few years later, in a bid to rekindle their love, Smith sent a letter to her mother's home in Spain. It was placed on the mantelpiece, but slipped down behind the fireplace and was lost for over a decade. The missing missive was only found when builders removed the fireplace during renovation work.

"When I got the letter I didn't phone Steve right away because I was so nervous," Ruiz-Perez told the Herald Express local newspaper.

"I nearly didn't phone him at all. I kept picking up the phone then putting it down again.

"But I knew I had to make the call."

When they were reunited, it was as if time had stood still, said Smith, a factory supervisor.

"When we met again it was like a film. We ran across the airport into each other's arms. We met up and fell in love all over again. Within 30 seconds of setting eyes on each other we were kissing. I'm just glad the letter did eventually end up where it was supposed to be," he said, after the couple married last Friday.

@yahoonews

July: a series of fortunate events =)

2009-07-21T11:49:00.003+08:00

It's a mundane tuesday morning and even though it's half an hour to noon; i am still feeling as though Im half asleep. I reckon age is catching up on me or i have a fast weakening immune system. I get extremely tired very easily now. Perhaps it is wise to have a few bottles of chicken essence with me from now on. I'm not used to sleeping alot at night =(

On a spontaneous note, I feel like organising a mass picnic one of these days, where all my friends [virtual & non-virtual] get together on a sunny windy afternoon enjoying a good ole picnic outdoors. Imagine the amount of food! Ha.. just a thought. How does that sounds? You will receive an invite via facebook when that idea manifests into a plan. =)

Loads of crazy ideas in my mind recently. All in the name of working towards the goal of creativity & flexibility, whatever it means. *laughs*

Since I'm feeling so under the weather today; Im heading back home straight to my crib after work! Which means, no swimming, jogging or cycling! Looking forward to spend an evening watching my stack of Gray's anatomy and editing photographs [ In any case, July photos uploaded on facebook already =)]

This world is filled with endless possibilities...and colors..

2009-07-20T14:04:00.002+08:00

Hey to the 1.2.3.4.5 people still lurking around reading my blog [laughs]

I'm really sorry for seemingly abandoning my blog for other outlets to rant eg; facebook & twitter [like 24 hours live update!!] but not quite yet.. just that the mood to blog isn't quite there. Nothing much to say, update, comment or output for life's pretty quiet and I like it that way =) I have been brewing plans though and hopefully be able to execute it by the end of this year. I will keep my fingers crossed on that.

I have been thinking of working on a freelance basis base on creativity[graphics/photography/jewellery making/painting etc] I'm playing the plans around in my head - what i will do, what moves to take and how to promote my services. Will have to see how, because for someone like me where a stable income is rather important because i am staying on my own; it is extremely risky.

I have watched Harry Potter and the half blood prince [3 times & counting] and i'm rather pleased with the sixth of the potter analogy. For the first time ever, I'm not feeling disappointed. They didn't deviate that much from the book and although the ending was a little duh and the intense parts were not intense enough, It's not too bad, actually! I was amused by the ''blur'' looks that some people carried after the movie though. I say, GO READ THE DAMN BOOK already. [laughs]

The next movie I'm looking forward to is the twilight series: ''New Moon'' It would be a rather sad chapter because it is when Edward Cullen decides to leave Bella because he thinks 'he is not good enough'' for her. So, this delicious character would not be in most of the frames anyway. [sigh]

I'm not looking forward to this coming Ramandan, Hari Raya and all that festive period. Not in much of a celebration mood actually. [I usually feel more human during March-August when there are no major festivals. haha] But If everything goes well, [and i certainly pray for that] I'm gonna head to Shanghai/doha either in October or December to pay old friends, a visit.

The need to travel, explore, study and to be free has become stronger as of late. I don't feel old, but the thirst of expanding one's potential has become rather intense. So intense, I do feel trapped by my surroundings at times.

Then again, only time can tell =)

I want a man, not a boy. ♥

2009-07-18T08:41:00.001+08:00

I want a man, not a boy. ♥

a man who knows how to appreciate the things I do for him.
a man who pampers me with something that money can't buy
a man who knows his mistakes and try to make it right.
a man who can be my pillow whenever i need someone to lean on.
a man who knows when to give in and let down his pride.
a man who'd communicate, listen and respond
a man who respects me, my family and his.
a man who enjoys what life has to offer.
a man who can say yes or no instead of 'anything'.
a man who won't keep me waiting though the day or night.
a man who (at least) try figure out what's going on inside me and resolve it.
a man who help the relationship work when it gets tough
a man who'd never lay his hand on woman
a man who works hard and planning well for his future
a man who is motivated
a man who takes responsibility for his actions
a man who gives me freedom that I need.
a man who loves me with no doubts.

p.s - someone: "you can't have a boyfriend and a father at the same time"
me : (-.-) hmm...

Obsessed in finding....

2009-06-21T20:50:00.007+08:00

a VINTAGE pink bicycle! Complete with wicker basket, and a seater... You get my drift. But it's so hard to find in singapore! *growls* Those who have read my daily tweets or facebook updates would know that I have been working out [ wed & Sun - swim 20 laps tue - jogging ] And I would be adding, Sat for cycling ONCE i get my hands on this bugger.

Like this. Not the dog. THE basket. I know, what's up with me and baskets right? Hehe. I know i can just spray the damn ride pink and just add the damn basket myself, but i'm just anal this way. lol.

AND i'm still hopelessly finding my perfect picnic basket in this exact shape. Please anyone, keep a lookout for me? If not, I just have to source in shanghai where i be heading to, in october. *urgh*

It's been a rather good week for me. I hope time pass faster; I need a change, a transformation. Renew me, give me a new heart, a new soul and bless me with a new beginning. :)

Right, so to end this post; i shall leave u with a quote from The Notebook:

Noah: Would you stop thinking about what everyone wants? Stop thinking about what I want, what he wants, what your parents want. What do YOU want? What do you WANT?

Allie: It's not that simple.

My second song to sing =)

2009-06-20T21:10:00.000+08:00

The Little Mermaid On Broadway - Part Of Your World

It's been a while, i know.

2009-06-10T23:43:00.002+08:00

Really, its been a long time since i last blogged a proper update about my life. My apologises. Been rather busy and distracted and not to mention in extremely high spirits [ well, better than before i guess ]

Life's pretty much the same though i tried various directions and perpectives to improve, change and throw out negativities within the boundaries of my spirituality, well-being and outlook of life. The old Bon has bounced back; the spontaneous, carefree with the devil-may-care attitude bon.. with a twist of the new one. Thankfully, things are looking up again for me. :)

Last but not least; something to smile upon:

Challenge me, I might fall but i will bounce right back again in your face. It's not as hard as i thought. There's only one me in this world, after all *laughs*

It will be as if I never existed.....

2009-06-09T01:05:00.000+08:00

One heart. Two loves.

Tomorrow: soulmate time :)

2009-06-05T15:58:00.001+08:00

Permanent. [ A video I freaking cry over ]

2009-06-01T12:20:00.002+08:00

Im a gray's anatomy junkie. Im totally addicted with the series and this video made me cry! Ok, perhaps i feel the pain of losing a loved one as portrayed by Izzie and Alex. [ I actually made someone cry too, over this video. hehe]

On another note: Sorry for not blogging as often as i would like. Am rather busy at the moment with my life. Promise to have a proper update ok? [smiles]

words from a friend.

2009-05-25T12:20:00.000+08:00

''You should start focusing on urself and be a little selfish cause its for ur own good.. ur future.. right now u dont have anyone to depends on like family who loves u ,and ur target/aim is to have a man who loves u for you, who have a family who loves u as much too, open minded, friendly, fair.. thats ur goal from now on..

we live once, if we want someone so bad and not meant to be, wat to do .. just hope la.. cause sometimes you sit n do nothing, miracle wont happen .. at times we have to swim in the open sea.. and see other people, other men .. i mean i know hes matured and everything and u know him for so long but it just never change, his perspective.. dont it hurt you ?

i try to put myself in ur shoes, its frustrating and its hurtful and that happen twice to me but first was like your story la, the guy listen to his family and even tell people my mum make black magic on that guy, i mean knowing my mum shes not that person even tho shes fierce so i broke off with him, no regrets at all because of his family and i hate his mum until now..

.. and so my husband, i know he love me and is fair la between his family and me and tell me what his mum says and ask me not to listen too much la cause shes sick and stuffs .. so i trust him .. so i was there and i know how u feel.. nothing is as worse as a family rejection thus the future gonna be ruin ..

At least u wait be patient and get a bonus kan rather than u wait for a person who u love but not bonus, family wise, thinking wise .. all haywire. i mean dont be too eager to choose the men la .. slowly but smartly..

But if u really get someone else, talk to him bout ur problems first and i mean everything if he cant accept its time to go, let him go, get over it slowly and go date other guys with open heart..
in the end if u find someone whos better than him, ur not losing anything he is.. if he find someone first then maybe that girl will lose something from herself la..

i mean of course you would lose the time u spend with him and laughter shared but in time, it all doesnt matter..''

Look after my heart — I’ve left it with you.

2009-05-23T15:45:00.003+08:00

How time pass us all by. It's only 8 more days. [sighs]

When the dam bursts, all you can do is swim..

2009-05-19T02:06:00.001+08:00

We all go through life like bulls in a china shop. A chip here, a crack there. Doing damage to ourselves and to other people. The problem is trying to figure out how to control the damage we've done, or that's been done to us. Sometimes the damage catches us by surprise. Sometimes we think we can fix the damage. And sometimes the damage is something we can't even see. Because not all wounds are superficial. Most run deeper than you can imagine. You can't see them with the naked eye. And then there are ones that take us by surprise.

My key element to surviving is denial. We deny that we're tired, we deny that we're scared, we deny how badly we want to succeed. And most importantly, we deny that we're in denial. We only see what we want to see and believe what we want to believe, and it works. We lie to ourselves so much that after a while the lies start to seem like the truth. We deny so much that we can't recognize the truth right in front of our faces. Yes, lying is bad. Or so we are told constantly from birth—honesty is the best policy. The fact is, lying is a necessity. We lie to ourselves because the truth, the truth freaking hurts....

Yet sometimes reality has a way of sneaking up and biting us in the ass. And when the dam bursts, all you can do is swim. The world of pretend is a cage, not a cocoon. We can only lie to ourselves for so long. We are tired, we are scared, denying it doesn't change the truth. Sooner or later we have to put aside our denial and face the world. Head on, guns blazing.. It's not just a river in Egypt, it's a freakin' ocean. So how do you keep from drowning in it?

P/s: Even now, I believe that for the most part, love is about choices. It's about putting down the poison and the dagger and making your own happy ending...most of the time. And that sometimes, despite all your best choises and all your best intentions... fate wins anyway..

Deterioration of the Fight or Flight

2009-05-01T19:08:00.001+08:00

Human beings need a lot of things to feel alive.

Family . . . Love . . . Sex.

But we only need one thing . . . To actually be alive. We need a beating heart.
When our heart is threatened . . . we respond in one of two ways.: We either run or . . . we attack. There's a scientific term for this: Fight . . . or flight.

It's instinct . . . We can't control it.
Or can we?

You're pretty.

2009-04-29T01:12:00.002+08:00

A slack jaw and single, heavy thud of my heart as I look between them
and realise the events that will follow.
A gulp as I swallow my fantasies for him and bury them deep.
A shrug as I shake off any unjust and un-entitled feelings of betrayal
that threaten to cloud her in my head.

" Its fine," I hear my brain whisper softly to my heart.
"He's not yours and she is great"

Crying would feel good, but I can't muster a single sob.
I wade through my pain with a bittersweet smile on my lips.
My love for him has long seemed unrealistic, but I had hooked my heart
on these silly dreams.
She is an easy friend. Funny, beautiful, social and sparky.
He obviously has seen this in her too.
Shame he never saw it in me.
Crashing into new realities hurt.

It's 6am and Im daydreaming among the stars.

2009-04-26T06:08:00.001+08:00

At the end of the day, there are some things you just can't help but talk about. Some things we just don't want to hear, and some things we say because we can't be silent any longer. Some things are more than what you say, they're what you do. Some things you say cause there's no other choice. Some things you keep to yourself. And not too often, but every now and then, some things simply speak for themselves.

The power of IF.

2009-04-26T03:24:00.000+08:00

'If we discovered that we have only 5 minutes left to say all that we wanted to say; every phone booth would be occupied by people calling other people to stammer that they loved them..'

It's the weekend; and Im sharing with you... a quote.

2009-04-24T00:43:00.000+08:00

A couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. Never leave that till tomorrow, he said, which you can do today. This is the man who discovered electricity. You think more people would listen to what he had to say. I don't know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I'd have to say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you're wrong? What if you're making a mistake you can't undo?

The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we hadn't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day. Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin really meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the hell out of never trying.

New Loves.

2009-04-21T01:36:00.007+08:00

With Oprah Onboard, Twitter Grows

2009-04-19T09:25:00.000+08:00

On Friday morning, Twitter received the blessing of Oprah Winfrey, one of Middle America’s most influential tastemakers, when Ms. Winfrey tapped out her inaugural message using the microblogging service as the cameras of her talk show cameras rolled.

“HI TWITTERS,” Ms. Winfrey wrote, using all capital letters in the Internet equivalent of shouting. “THANK YOU FOR A WARM WELCOME. FEELING REALLY 21st CENTURY.”

The popularity of Twitter, which allows users to broadcast messages of 140 characters or less, has been soaring in recent months. In March, the service had more than 14 million unique visitors, compared to eight million visitors in February. Ms. Winfrey’s endorsement is only likely to draw more attention to the San Francisco start-up and propel it beyond its niche audience.

“Twitter has officially hit the mainstream,” said Megan Calhoun, founder of TwitterMoms, a social networking community for Web-savvy mothers. “People who have never even heard of it will be really intrigued and join. A whole new demographic will be introduced to Twitter.”

Friday’s show also featured Evan Williams, the chief executive of Twitter, and the actor Ashton Kutcher, one of the site’s most active celebrity members. In addition to Mr. Kutcher, the basketball player Shaquille O’Neal and the pop starlet Britney Spears are currently among the most popular contributors on the platform.

Some power users, like Andrew Davis, chief strategy officer for TippingPoint Labs, an online marketing company, worry that Twitter’s potential to transform how millions of people communicate online is diminishing as more people use it.

“When someone like Oprah, who is a very smart businesswoman, sees that a new media platform is worthy of her engaging on it, it signifies a real sea change,” he said. “The mega-celebrity marketing machine that is Oprah seems like the next level of adoption.”

Mr. Davis said the service was overflowing with messages, known as tweets, making it hard to filter out the important ones. Indeed, within moments of Ms. Winfrey’s first post, thousands of tweets began flowing through the system each second, welcoming the media mogul to the service.

“People can no longer digest the content,” Mr. Davis said. “You start to think, what am I really getting out of this service?”

Another worry is that the Web site, which has suffered from outages and attacks by malicious hackers, will not be able to handle the crush of new visitors eager to try out the service.

But none of that seemed to deter Twitter’s newest members, who signed up after the afternoon broadcast of Ms. Winfrey’s show.

“New today to Twitter,” wrote Linda Maniccia York, who chose “zooyork04” as her username. “Finding people and watching Oprah ‘tweet’! I love this!”

As a vivid user of twitter [6000 plus updates] Do you twitt? What is ur username?

- Nytimes.

tugging @ the heartstrings.

2009-04-16T03:36:00.003+08:00

It was an experience I will always remember; the kind of aftertaste that still lingers hours later as you prepare for bed, tugging at your heartstrings and inducing the kind of secret smile that only the knowing knows..

The night was beautiful; calm and breezy the way i liked it. Everything seems so perfect today.. and I wonder whether it was pre-planned. Why oh why, it didn't happen before, i wonder.
Funny, this thing call, fate.

[Postscript] Its 46 more days to go =)

Why do hypocrites say, "I HATE hypocrites"... but yet...

2009-04-16T00:36:00.006+08:00

I firmly believe that it is not how long you know a person but how WELL you know him. Too bad; it has taken me nearly a decade to find my answer. Thank god, it's never too late. =)

love matters

2009-04-15T01:03:00.005+08:00

I heard somewhere that during an argument, couples spend the first 15 seconds on the actual reason for their disagreement and the remainder fighting over how they're fighting. This Wednesday: 21 phrases to use to help you fight right with your sweetheart.

Almost all couples fight; the secret is to fight right. I find that the single best technique to apply is HUMOR. If one of us can laugh and joke around, the crabby mood lifts instantly. But during an argument, it can be hard to see the funny side of things.

Failing that, here are twenty-one phrases that help turn down the heat of anger:

Please try to understand my point of view.
Wait, can I take that back?
You don’t have to solve this—it helps me just to talk to you.
This is important to me. Please listen.
I overreacted, I’m sorry.
I see you’re in a tough position.
I can see my part in this.
I hadn’t thought of it that way before.
I could be wrong.
Let’s agree to disagree on that.
This isn’t just your problem, it’s our problem.
I’m feeling unappreciated.
We’re getting off the subject.
You’ve convinced me.
Please keep talking to me.
I realize it's not your fault.
That came out all wrong.
I see how I contributed to the problem.
What are we really fighting about?
How can I make things better?
I’m sorry.
I love you.

That of course will work, if the party involved is willing to compromise and give in. Harder if both is only keen in his/her own opinions and beliefs:)

What do you do when love is gone? What do you do when the passion has died? What do you do when you dread each day? Is it time to move on........?

Tuesday, April 14 astrology.

2009-04-14T03:42:00.001+08:00

They say that prayer heals all ills. That may or may not be your personal experience, but it can't hurt, can it? A little time alone communing with your Divine Source is probably amongst the best medicine right now. You'll find hope and inspiration in spiritual development.

False choices = security to some people?

2009-04-13T01:52:00.003+08:00

I’ve noticed that in the area of happiness, people often offer false choices.

“I’d rather have three true friends, instead of tons of shallow friends.”
There aren’t just two options at the extreme. There are all kinds of friendship, along a wide spectrum of intimacy. You don’t have to choose between a “real” few and “superficial” many.

“I think it’s more important to worry about myself and my own happiness instead of thinking only about other people’s happiness.”
Why do you have to choose? You can think about your happiness and other people’s happiness. In fact, as summed up in the Second Splendid Truth, thinking about your own happiness will help you make others happy, too.

“I believe it’s more important to be authentic and honest than it is to be positive and enthusiastic.”
Can you find a way to be authentically enthusiastic? In my experience, it’s often possible, though it can take a little work.

From Eleanor Roosevelt: “Happiness is not a goal; it is a by-product.”

I think false choices are tempting for a couple of reasons. First, instead of facing a bewildering array of options, you limit yourself to a few simple possibilities. Also, the way you set up the options usually makes it obvious that one choice is the high-minded, reasonable, laudable choice, and one is not.

But although false choices can be comforting, they can leave you feeling trapped, and they can blind you to other choices you might make. “Either I can be financially secure, or I can have a job I enjoy.” “I have to decide whether to marry this person now or to accept the fact that I’m never going to have a family.”

Can you think of examples of when you, or someone you know, fell into the trap of a false choice?

The things that comes, the things they are Filtered through colored glasses & the wonders it seems

2009-04-12T19:25:00.007+08:00

I made this for dinner, trying to be somewhat healthy and professional, but its nice lo [laughs]

I had a really fantastic weekend although i was deprived of sleep for like, two whole days. It has been ages since i last laugh like a hyena, to feel loved, to sing till i was hoarse and to really play like there's no tomorrow. Really, I felt like my old hyper playful self again for the last two days. And i'm grateful. Life is indeed beautiful.

I have been craving for sushi and japanese food [and wasabi!] since like forever and i had my wish granted yesterday. I can never get sick of jap food.

I woke up to the rain and as i laid there in my bed listening and feeling the coldness crept over me; im happy that my life no longer revolves around ..you. I can't describe the exact feeling but I have a tinge of gratefulness of the fate that i have chose to avoid. There would always be people who will be against or simply mis-interpret my intentions; they can say or believe whatever; judge and condemn as much as they like. but i no longer bother like i used to. For i know, I'm true to my faith and I'm holding on to it. =)

I simply love bathtubs, don't ask. It's in a house, not a motel - just FYI. [laughs]

''When on your first date,the objective is to hide your faults and when you're in a relationship, it's all about hiding your disappointments- and then when you're married, it's all about hiding your sins" -Dollhouse.

51 more days.

2009-04-11T06:58:00.002+08:00

To what? Only i know the answer.. [hah]

Anyway, have a happy weekend - i know i will =)

Top of my MP3 list.

2009-04-08T02:06:00.001+08:00

Mountains of Makkah by Zain Bhikha - simply beautiful melody to coax one to sleep.

A quote.

2009-04-08T01:40:00.000+08:00

"You could search to the furthest reaches of the universe and never find anything more beautiful. So yes, I know that love is unconditional. But I also know that it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable and strangely easy to mistake for loathing..."- Yvaine, Stardust 2007

Taking the road less travelled can be beautiful ; at times.

2009-04-08T00:38:00.004+08:00

I have always been the kind of person who opts to stand just behind a scene, preferring to observe rather than to participate. Never under estimate the power of observations, i say. You'll be amazed of the things you learn from human natures; invisible barriers and the kind of unspoken words that people tend to put out through their actions.

Sometimes i feel that I'm stuck in a rut and i can't move. I can see where I'm going yet I'm going in circles. Is there life more than this? I, for one always seem to take the unconventional route, subconsciously. Of course i'll try to fit in ; but it just doesn't feel right.. and i tend to give up in the end. So what if you manage to achieve all that you aim to do in life.. eventually we will all grow old.. and die. Am I correct to say that? I know, I have morbid thoughts :)

Done. Off to a lighter topic:

I have always believe in the wonders of nature and I'm really into DIY masks so my latest mask is Cat litter - yes you heard right - cat litter, when mixed with the right amount of water and aloe Vera can be used as a facial mask. Due to the fact that the key ingredient [unscented cat litter]...actually...the only ingredient is made out of Clay, Bentonite clay to be exact. So what the heck is that?

It is clay that is is rich in minerals and it comes from volcanic ash which is extremely amazing for oily skin and helps to visually improve the look of blemishes, cellulite, sun damage, stretch marks, wrinkles, age spots and reduces the size of pores.

Basically all this means is the clay masks that you use for your facials are really just expensive versions of unscented kitty litter. You can purchase your clay mask for under 5 dollars! =) Will try to blog about this one day [i done my research ok!]

So its one more day to the weekend and I'm so ecstatic because I'll be jolly hopping to Johor bahru for a shopping spree. [cheh, johor only so excited] Well, that's mira for you - simple things make me happy =)

[mini spoilers]

2009-04-07T15:25:00.004+08:00

*Read more on different genres - write more - eat more but healthily [hah] - invest money in worthy investments [lagi hah] - prepare cambodia trip in june - more shopping sprees @ Johor bahru - compile and send my portfolio out - attend naji classes regularly - enjoying my yoga classes - being extremely low profile - and never give the light of the day to greatest liars out to wreck your life [giggles] *

Quote of the day: 'If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?'

it's a fine fine weekend...indeed.

2009-04-05T14:34:00.002+08:00

It has been a pretty fulfilling weekend for me except for the fact that i slept till late afternoon today, feeling rather wasted and disorientated. [hah] We're all healing, growing and loving. Life is. I'm happy to be alive.

Looking at the bigger picture tends to paint a more beautiful story.

2009-04-04T13:49:00.003+08:00

The difference between good relationships and bad ones, is whether the concept of 'love' meets our expectations.

The idea of love is easy to enjoy. The problem is the execution of this emotion." (Or something like that). So true, innit? Two people may truly, really love each other... but if they don't know how to show it, or if one or both of them make bad judgement calls... it really can end what could be a potentially amazing relationship. Similarly, two people may not "love" one another with deeply or passionately, but if they have ample respect, trust and patience, they may ultimately have a more stable, fulfilling relationship than the former example.

Still, I don't know which relationship I'd rather have - one with moments of brilliance, or one with a steady pulse rate. I guess that just shows my immaturity in this minefield of emotions.

"But when the strong were too weak to leave the weak, the weak had to be strong enough to leave."

2009-04-04T13:29:00.004+08:00

Perhaps all the questions we ask of love, to measure, test, probe and save it, have the additional effect of cutting it short. Perhaps the reason we are unable to love is that we yearn to be loved, that is, we demand something (love) from our partner instead of delivering ourselves up to him demand free and asking for nothing in return but his company.

Take a moment and think. Everyone's changing..

2009-04-03T01:21:00.003+08:00

It does stuck me hard and furious that we don't really spend much of our precious waking hours appreciating the presence of our dearest loved ones...

Do we really have enough time on this earth to be obsessed with trivial minor things? By trivial I mean anything that does not enrich our lives on a deeper level than just on a physical plane. And trust me; theres a lot hell load of stuff that i considered trivial which i can't fathom the obsession,even.

Love. We definitely don't love enough. And I don't mean just to your boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife, fathers, mothers, sisters, daughters or sons. I'm talking about friends, taxi drivers, the old auntie that serves you at McDonalds - how much love do you show them? In reference to this sort of love, I classify it as a sincere appreciation for the presence of the other person, and that you wish for nothing but happiness and general wellness towards him/her. With that comes respect, and politeness.

And how many of us are able to love another human being, unconditionally? Without expecting anything in beneficial in return or your own gains?

I'm serious; how often do we stress ourseleves out by being angry or aggitated by someone else's behaviour? A little too much, I reckon. You control your own actions, you can't say that someone else "made you do that". And you can stop the chain of destructive emotions/actions by not allowing another to affect you. Granted, its easier said than done, but its definitely worth a try.

Can you imagine if everyone woke up tomorrow, and was just...nice to one another? In that way, free-will is flawed as it allows us to have ill-will. That, in my opinion, is the crux of almost every problem involving human relations...Frankly, no one wins in an argument; that coming from a true-breed libra. hah.

Bottomline? Love your loved ones. Show them. You only have one life to live, and they can be gone tomorrow. Don't let a loved one go without them know just how much they mean to you. But don't stop there - spread the love, all around you. You'll be surprised; it doesn't actually run out... but quite the contrary. :)

Complete me. A tag.

2009-04-01T23:43:00.004+08:00

1. I've come to realise that my ex is... extremely hard to understand
2. I am listening to... Jalan Cinta while i am typing this...
3. I talk … when i feel like talking which is seldom surprisingly.
4. I love ... my memories..
5. My best friends... There is only one in my life... ?
6. I have been waiting for... time to pass me by quickly
7. I lost... track of time when i am really super concentrating on a book..
8. I hate it when people... are hypocrites and liars - its a tie.
9. Love is ... unconditional and beautiful...
10. Marriage is... the union of 2 halves...
11. Somewhere, someone is thinking ... and missing me, i hope...
12. I'll always be... Shamira...
13. I have a crush on ... no one.
14. The last time I cried was because ... u expect me to remember sad moments...?
15. My cell phone ... is my sidekick
16. When I wake up in the morning ... i will press the snooze button.
17. Before I go to sleep at night ... i will pray. and think
18. Right now I am thinking about ... a lot of things.
19. Babies are ... bundle of joy...and nuisance when they start crying...
20. I get online... 24hr everyday [hah]
21. Today I ... am feeling contented
22. Tonight I will ... go to lala land...
23. Soon I will ... be back from lala land...
24. I really want ... you to understand me in depth
25. The person who is most likely to re-post this is ... no one.

This is especially true. for me.

2009-04-01T12:08:00.002+08:00

Crap. I just realised its already April. Happy Aprils' fool day :)

Not from matrix but am Vertigo Diagnosed.

2009-04-01T01:09:00.013+08:00

So im medically diagnosed with this thing called '' Vertigo''. As wierd as it sounds, it has nothing to do with science-fiction plots. [excuse the lame moment, am feeling equally bewildered when i got the report] So what is vertigo?!

Vertigo (from the Latin vertigin-, vertigo, "dizziness") is a specific type of dizziness, a major symptom of a balance disorder. It is the sensation of spinning or swaying while the body is actually stationary with respect to the surroundings.

First of all, just to make things clear, Vertigo is a symptom, not a disease. It refers to the sensation of spinning, which often occurs as a result of a disturbance in balance (equilibrium). The effects of vertigo may be slight. It can cause nausea and vomiting and, in severe cases, it may give rise to difficulties with standing and walking.

Vertigo is usually associated with a problem in the inner ear balance mechanisms Vertigo can be caused by inflammation of the inner ear due to the common cold, influenza, and bacterial infections. Vertigo can also occur after long flights or boat journeys where the mind gets used to turbulence, resulting in a person's feeling as if he is moving up and down. This usually subsides after a few days.

Another source of vertigo is through exposure to high levels of sound pressure, rattling the inner ear and causing a loss of balance.

[ Source compiled from wikipedia and vertigocure.net ]

Jalan Cinta - Sherina

2009-04-01T00:58:00.002+08:00

When one man's junk is another's treasure.

2009-03-31T22:27:00.009+08:00

I'm someone who absolutely digs vintage stuff; the older the better. [ Especially picnic baskets, 1930's luggages and old storage antiques] Imagine my delight that i could find all that in good ole' singapore! Golden Landmark, Haji Lane to be exact. Look what i found among the treasures: A picnic basket!

I'm actually sourcing for a rectangular-shaped one [briefcase type] to store all the plates and cups but this is unique right? And i can go shopping with it! It's a steal at ten dollars too. So, after hours of sourcing through smelly Sungei road, Mustafa centre and wherever-else, I have finally found a picnic-basket to call my very own. I'm a happy girl [Grins]

All the more I should start organising more spontanous-spur-of-the-moments picnic getaway outings. I love picnics, do you?

[picture courtesy from sarah-loft.com]

Life is precious. Please help.

2009-03-31T00:44:00.004+08:00

Appeal for help:

A 3 year old boy is suffering from leukemia and needs 12 packets of A+ blood type group for bone marrow treatment urgently. Any one who is willing to help donate - pls email mira @ shamiraz@gmail.com Even helping to spread the word around would be very much appreciated :)

Acute leukemia is characterized by the rapid increase of immature blood cells. This crowding makes the bone marrow unable to produce healthy blood cells. Immediate treatment is required in acute leukemia due to the rapid progression and accumulation of the malignant cells, which then spill over into the bloodstream and spread to other organs of the body. Acute forms of leukemia are the most common forms of leukemia in children.

May God, bless your good heart :)

It's stuck in my head. over and over.

2009-03-30T02:49:00.002+08:00

''Sometimes, the way you see and the way you feel does not necessarily mean the person experiencing that same moment is feeling or seeing the same way.And when you do find out, you can't help but question, what went wrong?"

-- Mira

Allah Knows.

2009-03-29T22:47:00.002+08:00

One of my favourite singers is Zain Bhikham; a South African Muslim singer-songwriter, who has achieved fame as a performer of nasheed songs. Tied to other prominent Muslim entertainers, including Yusuf Islam and Dawud Wharnsby Ali, Bhikha has collaborated on albums with other artists, and has released several solo albums as well. He has written several religious albums concerning Islam.

One Litre of tears.

2009-03-29T05:14:00.006+08:00

"1 Litre of Tears"; also called A Diary with Tears or A Diary of Tears) is a dramatic tragedy diary written by Aya Kitō (July 19, 1962 - May 23, 1988) shortly before her death. The diary, a true story based on her own life, was originally written in first person. It is about a girl coping with her teenage life along with a degenerative disease. She keeps a diary of not only what she does but how she feels and the hardships she must endure. Initially, the diary's purpose was for Kitô to chronicle impressions she had about how the disease was affecting her daily life. As the disease progressed, however, the diary became Kitô's outlet for describing the intense personal struggles she underwent in coping, adapting, and ultimately trying to survive her disease.

As she notes in one entry, "I write because writing is evidence that I am still alive."

Aya Kito was diagnosed with a disease called spinocerebellar atrophy when she was 15 years old. The disease causes the person to lose control over their body, but because the person can retain all mental ability the disease acts as a prison. Aya discovers this disastrous news as the disease has already developed. There is no cure.

Aya’s only wish was “to live.” By carefully depicting Aya’s earnest desire to live, and the love of her family, friends, and lover, the drama, “One Liter of Tears” wishes to deliver her simple but strong message: “Just being alive is such a lovely and wonderful thing.”

Through family, medical examinations and rehabilitations, and finally succumbing to the disease, Aya must cope with the disease and live on with life until her death at the age of 25.

Mira is back, like finally.

2009-03-29T02:38:00.003+08:00

With a big-ass picture of moi to start it all:

Now that the coast has clear and the shore is barren
it’s time to liven up the land and plant some trees.
The writing bug bites again. Check back soon :)

All i need is... to [sleep] now

2009-01-11T04:31:00.005+08:00

This is my saturday:

Swimming and having a healthy picnic and good conversation. Total fun. *grins* AND it's that quick. It's another weekend. And it's already 4am sunday morning..which means work is only the next day. What a bummer.

It's 10 days into the new year but i'm not sure i'm starting it right. I'm lying low, really low in fact for the past 2 weeks. Nothing much, perhaps a little moody and feeling a tad bit bored with life. I don't even have the mood to really blog a decent entry to be frank. Perhaps my days of blogging with a real passion is truly over, especially with my decision to make everything a closure, a private affair.

Im not sure why have i morphed into such a private person; i am in fact a sociable person yet i do feel uncomforable with strangers and letting my life be into the limelight. Once bitten, twice shy.. i suppose. I don't like pryers and I feel comforable submerging into my hermit role for days at end.

Other than the mobile mishap, lying low days and shitty work days ; nothing major has taken place.. yet. Which partly explains why i am bored. I'm never a person who enjoys routine entirely so to speak - which is why i have taken to roaming around for the past two days. But yet, ironically one of my main resolutions is to keep my life and thoughts as simple and uncluttered as possible. Focusing on:

1) Work 2) My relationship 2) My swimming/yoga sessions 3) being a better muslimah 4) healthy lifestyle 5) Read up more

Yup, that's about it. 2009 is for me to lay low, stay simple and concentrate on developing into a much better person/woman/muslimah.

It might not feel like a good start but hopefully it would be much better as we move along.. Im looking forward to a lot of things in the near future! *fingers crossed*

It would be the cny holidays soon and i hoping for a getaway.. to somewhere. Been hoping to head to the beach, the zoo.. anywhere lah! Just want to do something.. to be active and not stay home. But i reckon every single place would be packed because the malls would be closed! bah...Im not looking forward to cny every single year :( But perhaps i shall visit my mom, insyaallah. I'm still entitled to red packets. hah!

Enjoy the remaining weekend, I shall sleep.

Loss of [ mobile phone ]

2009-01-07T02:00:00.002+08:00

The precious dinosaur mobile phone of yours truly is lost.

Along with all my contact numbers.

Please update me of your contacts via my email at shamiraz@gmail.com

Many thanks and love

[Mira]

2008 meme and what I have learnt.

2009-01-01T14:12:00.000+08:00

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?
I threw a hell lot of personal belongings, be a gypsy, and deleted numerous 'friends' from my life.. It was a cleansing and breaking free ritual i never did before.

2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I always make them & always break them! Hopefully I’ll think of some for 2009 & stick to them, that’s my resolution, to stick to my resolutions! But then again, i think i will just stick to monthly goals :)

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
I have very little girlfriends so nope :D

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Nope.

5. What countries did you visit?
I have not stepped out of the country even once this year!

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
A family :)

7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
The times when i got my heart broken and disappointed by people i loved. i won't forget such stuff. Duh. And oh, 20 August 2008 :)

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Can’t really think of any, 2008 has been a let down in some ways

9. What was your biggest failure?
As a daughter.

10.Did you suffer illness or injury?
i have low blood so quite a number of dizzy spells and nose bleeds! Its a killer!

11.What was the best thing you bought?
My P500 Nikon camera

12.Whose behavior merited celebration?
Can't think of anyone at the moment. hah.

13.Whose behavior made you appalled and sad?
My mother.

14.Where did most of your money go?
Groceries & Rent & Books ( which i am curbing this habit of buying books on a whim!)

15.What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Simple things make me happy and excited; like going to mustafa, having a picnic, going back to school, taking pictures along with my class, going to the beach and just enjoying life's simple moments.

16.What song will always remind you of 2008?
Run by Leona Lewis

17.Compared to this time last year, are you:
happier or sadder?: Happier
thinner or fatter?: Thinner
richer or poorer?: Poor

18.What do you wish you’d done more of?
Saved more money & lost weight

19.What do you wish you’d done less of?
Being depressed & eating anything I wanted

20.How did you spend Christmas?
I don't celebrate Christmas but it was a couch potato day for me!

21.Who did you spend the most time on the phone with?
I don't really talk on the phone unless its important.

22.Did you fall in love in 2008?
I have always been in love... awwww :D

23. How many one-night stands?
Eww! I would never ever cheapen myself & do that

24. What was your favorite TV program?
I don't watch Television.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
I don't keep hatred in my heart.

26. What was the best book you read?
The twilight series? This year so far, :)

27. What was your greatest musical discovery or rediscovery?
Jazmine Sullivan

28. What did you want and get?
My ipod classic. *looks at the love*

29. What did you want and not get?
A macbook. Im just an apple person. *Lol*

30. What were your favorite films of this year?
Changeling, Maalaaf and 12 lotus *laughs*

31.What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I was @ the beach with the love; having a picnic and another dinner @ vivocity on the day itself :)

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Becoming anorexic hahaha. kidding, i love my boobs too much to be anorexic lah.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Comfy & Casual.

34. What kept you sane?
Books & the Internet

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most/least?
Tough choice, I can’t really think of any. Henry Cavill from the Tudors is pretty hot though!

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
I don’t really follow politics, but was engrossed in the US Presidential Election

37. Who did you miss?
My grandmother, life is pretty weird without her right now

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Haven’t met anyone new this year because im officially feeling anti-social.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008:
You can choose your friends but not your family. Give others a 2nd chance in making up to you:)

40. Do you have any lost feelings for others?
Yeah

41.Quote a song that sums up your year:
“I never knew I could hurt like this
And everyday life goes on like
I wish I could talk to you for awhile
I wish I could find a way try not to cry
As time goes by
And soon as you reach a better place
Still I’ll give the whole world to see your face
And I’m bragging right next to you
It feels like you gone too soon
The hardest thing to do is say bye bye”

I hope 2009 will be alot better for you & I both *hugs*

Its new year's eve..

2008-12-31T14:12:00.001+08:00

It's new year's eve and im feeling gloomy.

I decided to get into this bored phrase of mine and its hard to shake the feeling off.

And suddenly, just for a teeniest moment, I miss my mother.

sigh.

Just a need to rant.

2008-12-29T14:11:00.000+08:00

1) I do not, i repeat, DO not enjoy being rudely awaken by phone calls in the middle of the night @ 3am just to say hello? *Hello, people need to sleep to go to work the next morning ok?* Thanks to my innate ability to disable myself from sleeping back after that, i was dozing by lunchtime. AND the bugger just had to do that a few days later. Lesson learnt: Slient my damn phone.

2) I realised i have more books than clothes. which is not a good thing. I need to change my
wardrobe asap and this means shopping time! Urgh, i do not really fancy shopping and trying
out clothes actually. i wish i could also do the latter online. heh.

3) For the umpteenth time, i am not a walking atm or cash dispenser to some people.
I really cannot fathom why is it so hard for you to get the hint. Yes, we used to be
inseparable in those days but i have enough of being that permanent machine in your life
Im not rich; go bother some other people with your *coughsdrinkingcoughsclubbing* problems.

4) What really irks me is having people challenging me over religion-matters. It is a diverse subject and i do not fancy having conflicts over it especially when the other party know nuts about what he is even talking about in the first place.. I admit i am a convert and i DO have many many things to cover and to study.
However, if i want to find out more - i can do my own research, ask someone who is even better versed..aka my other half. i do not need you coming up to me and ask me to define this and that, whether i know this particular history or a prayer. Thank you very much. AS what the love says; ignore these childish people. yes, i will certainly do JUST that.

Alright, Im done with my ranting. The new year is in 3 more days and i can't wait to make and see changes in my life. *winks*

with love,

Mira.

My daily tagline to myself.

2008-12-26T14:10:00.000+08:00

1. Start the day with a prayer
2. Stay positive even if others ruffle ur feathers
3. Tell the reflection to be confident. You are beautiful.
4. Be patient even if you are dealing with difficult people
5. Forgive others daily. Anger is tiring.
6. Learn to remove the tag ''same shit different day'' from my mind
7. Its okay if others doesnt understand, they will.... eventually.
8. Be big hearted and openminded with an eye for an bigger picture.
9. Smile even if its an lousy day. Do not let emotions rule.
10. Confide in him every single day.

Motivate me, today.

2008-12-23T14:09:00.000+08:00

Im feeling rather sleepy at work on this lazy tuesday afternoon. Alright fine, not exactly being lazy as there is a stack of japanese-accented written emails for me to proof-read and a marketing proposal for me to draft and plan. My new fruits diet has been going well, so am extremely proud of myself. heh. I am so not going to hit my old weight of 85kg in the old days! no no no. However there is still lack of time (and motivation!) for me to start my jogging and swimming and yoga regime (again) we'll see how it goes.

One thing that i have learnt about the japs that im working with is that they are extremely loud, jovial but not exactly as polite as i make them out to be. They want things to go their own way and they are not afraid to be rude to get what they want but not understanding our singaporean accents does not help matters a single bit. Obstinate gits. Grrr.

I was down with a slight fever and dizzy spells yesterday and thankfully its all been good but when i woke up this morning,i was hit with a major toothache doubled with swollen gums right at the back of my mouth. Aspa made a crude joke which i think its not appropriate to put down in blogs. *laughs* No such thing babe; but i do suspect its the birth of the evil wisdom tooth. Perhaps so, perhaps not. But i do pray it is only a regular toothache! I detests going to dentists because they can be very sadistic people! What with the brutal grinding of your gems to induce the greatest migrane of your life. sigh.

Its now 322pm. 2 hours and 8 mins more to go before knocking off time. And on gmail chat with the love talking about Siti Nurhaliza's new traditional album. I know, of all topics. *grins*
But that man of mine loves her so yeah.

I better log off now and do some productive work. Till then.

Much love,

Mira.

4.15am

2008-12-18T13:00:00.001+08:00

was the time i woke up today.

I realised that i havent been religiously updating my blog like how i used to since making blogspot private and even getting back my precious laptop back. -_____- No, i havent lost the love of writing down my thoughts and blogging the night away - its just that im now censoring alot of stuff that i wanna say. Hopefully, it is just a phrase and i will have something interesting to rant, to rebutt or to retort. Hah.

Anyway, Im happy today. Yes, even with the lack of sleep and my appearance have been closely resembling a raccoon day by day. *laughs*

The reason i woke up early wasn't to go for my supposedly morning daily jog but to read!~ Baby gotten me the Inkheart Trilogy ( 3 freaking books!) and its my current love after the Twilight series. As you can see; i really dig fantasy stories.(Give me vampires, witches, mermaids, toys which come alive, and you will make my day. Really)

Yes, i am shamelessly 25. But who cares? Im happy *grins*

Minor random updates:

1) Im in my current anti-social mode again. Thank you very much.

2) Im in one of my diets again. Currently its just fruits and water. For lunch.

3) Im credited as Bon Shamira Cullen in Anakjaybon's mobile and Bon Cullen in Asparina's. *laughs*

And now it is 6.59AM. Time for me to get ready for work, bathe myself and head out to work. *sighs*

'Three' Quiz

2008-12-16T12:58:00.000+08:00

And so i got tagged by anakjaybon!~

Three screen names that you have had:
1. Athena Shadowraven (Fine i had an over dose viewage of bewitched, the craft and all that)
2. Mistress of Darkness ( Was a goth at the age of 16, lalalalala)
3. Gypsy princess. ( Don't ask )

Three physical things you like about yourself:
1. My fingers
2. The mole above my lips
3. My smile.

Three physical things that you don't like about yourself:
1. My nose ( its in the middle of my face and its huge...)
2. My non-existant eye lashes..sighhh (Thank god for fake ones. oh well)
3. The bosom buddies. (Try finding tops for me and you will faint)

Three things that really scares you:
1. Cockroaches ( I have a serious issue over these buggers)
2. Thunder
3. People

* Im scared of the most mundane stuff in life. So sue me. Im cooler than most people in times of real crisis. Lol..

Three of your everyday essentials:
1. My baby camera
2. My wallet
3. My concealor.

Three things you are wearing right now:
1. Sweater (2 in fact, the freaking office is so cold!)
2. Long black skirt
3. Gold shoes

Three of your favorite bands or musical artists:
1. Sarah Brightman
2. Siti Nurhaliza
3. Mariah Carey

Three physical things about the opposite sex that appeals to you:
1. His fingers. ( Don't ask! )
2. His eyes ( Edward Cullen's, Utt's etc)
3. Chest hair ( Sighhh)

Three of your favorite hobbies:
1. Photography (duh!)
2. Listening to music /singing my lungs out
3. Reading

Three things you want to do really badly right now:
1. Have a good meal ( im on a fruits diet now :( )
2. Watch Twilight again.
3. Sleep

Three careers you're considering/considered:
1. Painter
2. Law
3. Design/photography

Three places you want to go for vacation:
1. Doha ( I want to visit my sis and bro - annie and munir!!)
2. Turkey ( I could go crazy with my camera there)
3. Bali (Beautiful place, aint it?)

Three things I want to do before I die:
1. Lose weight
2. Travel
3. Have children (which in turn brings me back to no.1)

Three things that makes you stereotypically a girl:
1. I camwhore (everyday)
2. I'm obsessed with my hair. ( currently its like grass though...)
3. I secretly like pink ... yes. U heard that right.

Three ways that you are not stereotypically a girl:
1. I can be worse than a man in terms of sloppiness.
2. I love gadgets rather than fashion ( yes anakjaybon; im so much like you now. lol)
3. I love burping out the alphabets. ( everyone say ewwwww)

Three people that you would like to take this quiz right now:
1) Nas ( because he always got lots of other things to do)
2) Seri ( because i know she will do this)
3) Anyone else la..

Skip this entry if you're not a twilight fan. grins

2008-12-10T12:57:00.000+08:00

I have been obsessing about Twilight since i last read the book. Whats there not to like about a vampire-human love story ? Forbidden love... ahh. i was even appeased ( slightly) when they actually postponed Harry Potter to next July. You can ask my other half - how many times i have actually started a full blown rant on that issue. Hmmmpt.

And so, my anticipation didn't get any better when two of my good friends actually watched it waaay before this obsessed twilighter. ( thanks to a trip to JB and another, a helpful hubby i must add :P)

Then today. I got a prompt from baby:

baby: I want to tell you something.
me: ok
baby: tomorrow
there is a sneak preview of TWILIGHT
me: WHAT? u make my heart stop suddenly u know
baby: yup
me: OMG

And so thanks to this news- i actually can't concentrate on work! Alright.. i know i sound like some over grown teenager. But whatever. Im excited!!

But the bad news is: Im only gonna be watching on Sunday since my other half is working tomorrow! ( ish) and no one is available at such a short notice (pouts) And i do not want to watch Twilight alone least a vamp is sitting beside me. *snorts* ( Asparina: You don't like meh, that exact guy that edward gorgeous cullen sitting beside you then he will fly you out into the woods from the theatre- wah so hot like erotic stories.)

Hmmm. Ok, i shall snoot. Im getting carried away. Told you, go away if you are not interested. :D

Everything is pre-ordained

2008-12-05T12:56:00.000+08:00

something i have read today , something to share and something i ought to remind myself for each coming new day.

''You will never completely feel at ease until you firmly believe that HE has already pre-ordained all matters. The pen has dried and has written all that will happen to you, so do not feel remorse over that which is not in your hands. Do not think that you could have prevented the fence from falling, the water from flowing, the wind from blowing, or the glass from breaking. You could not have prevented these things, whether you wanted to or not. All that has been pre-ordained shall come to pass''

Have a really good weekend, folks :)

Really, its like a chess game. Life that is.

2008-12-01T13:14:00.000+08:00

True friendship is a plant of slow growth, and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity, before it is entitled to the appellation.–George Washington

I have used to fear loneliness, the phobia of living my life without people accompanying me but time change my perception of things. Because i realised; as much as i wanted to, not many of such people are willing to go through such growths with me and to take the time out to really know me instead of taking me at face value.

Are there such people in your life? Do treasure them.

Today, i'm glad to have one such person with me; constantly advising, encouraging and along the way pulling up my self esteem to a healthier level, refusing to let me fall deep into the pits once more. This person is always contented being in the background of my life, helping me when i am in need and yes i am tremedously grateful to this one person who chose to stay while the rest walk out of that door.

You are, to some extent - really a guardian angel of mine :)

In life you win some you lose some but I really do not mind losing, I just ask for a chance to stand back on my feet again and please do let me fight. Don’t rob me of my will to live, my faith in one’s innocence and the privilege to be loved.

Alhamduililah, Im enlightened in some ways and i hope i can continue this journey with this same faith and gratitude that i am feeling with renewed robust.

Yes, finally my blog is private - i can write and breathe more freely from now on :)

Ring ring the wedding bells...gothic style..

2008-11-25T14:14:00.006+08:00

Its tuesday and im on 3 days MC thanks to my sprained ankle.(Being the klutz that i am, i miss not one, but TWO freaking stairs at a crowded MRT station no less) It would be all good if im not feeling this bored with no computer, no books and no music since my worldly possessions is all located at my maiden's place :(

Im at the community centre now; trying to will away time surfing my favourite sites and heading to the love's place later in the evening. Poor him is down with fever and gotten 2 days of MC as well. Hmmm.

Anyway, my cousin just gotten hitched.. in a gothic style no less at Chjimes!! Those who know me; it has always been a dream to have a hard-core gothic-lolita wedding (im a re-tired goth, after all. haha ) But for now, i think it could jolly well be a distant dream -____- However, i am still keeping my fingers crossed that i could have a themed photo-shoot :)

Some pictures to share :)

I heart black roses :)

The wedding portrait

The layout of the church

Even though the chinese are ''pantang'' about wearing black for weddings; my cousin's christian and her husband is jap so i guess it doesn't pose any problem even though i can imagine what MY mom would say if she attends this wedding. hah.

On the topic of weddings, i do have a wedding to attend tomorrow morning ( yes with my sprained ankle and all - so unglam) Hopefully, will post up new pictures very soon :)

Have a good mid week at work or school, peeps.

Love, mira.

''Starry Starry night, paint your palette blue and gray..

2008-11-24T13:02:00.001+08:00

''Starry, starry night.
Portraits hung in empty halls,
Frameless head on nameless walls,
With eyes that watch the world and can't forget.
Like the strangers that you've met,
The ragged men in the ragged clothes,
The silver thorn of bloody rose,
Lie crushed and broken on the virgin snow.''

My current fave song at the moment is this classic ''Vincent'' - beautifully matches my current mellow mood. Im feeling rather stressed up on this Monday morning, literally feeling blue all over.

At times, i wish i can have an ounce of selfishness - to do what is best for myself without thinking for other people, without feeling bad and putting down to my fault if they are unhappy. But alas, im made in this way where i am constantly weighing the pros and cons, constantly trying to create harmony between others and constantly in a deliema where decisions are concerned.

I often drove my advisor mad for the same reasons especially when if i start blaming myself on issues that may not be my fault in the first place.

'' You do not own other people your life - start living it the way you want it to be, without constantly putting other people before you''

No, im not feeling blue because of the previous paragraphs i have just written, its more on a ''since im on the topic'' kinda thing; something to let on, something to share.

Im just feeling blue..

Oh well, back to work for me. Another routine, another day.

Or is it , same shit - different day for me? We'll see.

What i have been up to

2008-11-21T12:33:00.001+08:00

1) My current routine would be going to work, hospital time in the evening (some family issues), a quick dinner with the love and back home watching DVDs ; hitting the sack by midnight on most nights. And the same routine follows the next day.

2) Ironically, Im now a member of a yoga club - can't really comment much because i haven't gone for my 1st lesson just yet! Note to self: Find internal peace and lose some damn weight. *snorts*

3) I can't wait for December - it used to be my favourite time of the year and the feeling is somehow back :) i wanna catch the beautiful lightups, watch twilight the movie (18th Dec) and Kino's having a 20% off for all their books. What more can i ask for? :)

4) As usual, this overactive mind of mine is pondering on a lot of matters at hand. I really do need a penseive to store all my (unwanted) thoughts. Im developing a really ''heckcare, ignore it, stay calm and smile '' approach, especially when im really unhappy over situations and people.

5) Since i have limited internet access ( darn laptop - the geek in me is screaming ) - the only blogs i read for now are Eddyboi's , Asparina's, Anakjaybon's, Nas', Shaikhah's and AJ's. I miss reading blogs. urgh. Other than that, I will still check my mail, facebook and friendster. And that's about it.

6) Come next year, I am also planning for a ''dressing change'' What would be it; we'll see. So hopefully this means i have more excuse to go shopping - my gypsy life is making my wardrobe all miserable and bare.

7) I just remember that with the death of all my computers (as i kept lamenting) My painstakingly organised and classified 2000 + songs (accordingly to languages and genres and moods) have been wiped out. I can just cry.

8) Im officially lazy to blog. I rather twitter. Hah

One more week, down.

2008-11-14T12:42:00.000+08:00

Im feeling rather happy today thanks to positive thoughts i am enforcing upon myself and also its the weekend, finally! Darn, I wonder why the weeks are getting slower as the days go by as more work is piled on me.

As usual, the weekend would be jam-packed with events to attend to and which means more excuses to cam-whore and dress up. so yay to that.

My laptop's still down therefore explains the rather random and long blog distances i have been keeping. However, i update twitter every day - its a convenient place to dump all my rants and stupid lame talk. haha. AND Im dying to upload all my pictures that i have accumulate so far! Urgh.. just got to wait :)

But here are some really random photos uploaded before my laptop died on me :)

God i miss this place :(

And here...

and here...

I love this shot :)

Craving for rendang :)

Don't ask.

Getting stronger.

Have a good weekend, peeps. :)

Fly me to the moon and...

2008-11-13T20:25:00.002+08:00

As i sat there, pensive.. lost in my thoughts of a mysterious life, a forgotten world where traces of past lives lingered. turning the pages of my own private chapters... Private memories now buried in darkness~echoes of ghostly joys, sorrows and love.

I am waiting for a sign, that life is more than just waiting.

Away from mundane grievances and trivial tears, where I can be whoever I want to be. When alone, I’m in my real element. I sob, I sing, I soar I laugh at life itself… I reach deep within my soul.

Im a dreamer, yes i am but it is where i come alive...

Life’s simple pleasures..ahh life is indeed beautiful.

Breathe, and life is worth living.

Cheers.

Im walking on sunshine

2008-11-08T11:53:00.001+08:00

It's saturday and Im in my office typing out this blog entry because im bored since work is all done and Im waiting for 1pm to come by. It's so quiet over here that i could hear the humming of the airconditioning and the sipping of coffee in the next cubicle. It's only 2 of us today and i wonder why i have to come by on certain saturdays when i could still be snoring away till noon. (I can never be a morning person - it's always by obligation not by choice)

Im heading to a kenduri later ( religious function ) before dropping by the hospital and hopfully a movie at the end of the long day. It's been a slow long week for me and i can't wait for a better fulfilling week come next week or so. I need some simulation challenges to function properly -______-

I have been thinking a lot of the future recently of what im going to do, where im heading to and how am i going to get there. One thing i know, my life will never remain stagnant for long -there is always bound to be some drama going on even how hard i want to switch off and submerge in my own world. hah. Life doesn't always go your way so heck it lah. Don't expect anything so you won't feel the disappointment even if you get nothing :)

Only time would tell how Im supposed to get there, as for now im just cultivating my patience and go about my plans. Thinking too much won't get me any where, anyway. ''If god brings me there, he will get me through it''

For now, i feel like:
- going to mustafa centre for late night shopping, national library, roam around art museums and spending overnight at the airport surfing the net and sipping on my mocha.

- having thosai masala, popeye chicken cajun fries and kavana chicken curry rice (no more already!)

- sitting for hours high up at the library watching the world goes by or reading a book

- painting a portrait outdoors of someone - roaming to no where and everywhere with just a camera

Right. Most people,however would feel bored with my activties. hah, but who cares? Im happy :)

The weekend is finally here, do enjoy while it last and god bless!!

TGIF..Im in a lame mood

2008-11-07T13:52:00.001+08:00

1. Yourself: Hyper
2. Your boyfriend: At the mosque at this time.
3. Your hair: Wavy now. sigh.
4. Your mother: Definitely working.
5. Your pets: None. But i want a black kitten.
6. Your favorite item: My Nikon camera
7. Your dream last night: i forgotten about it
8. Your favorite drink: Milk and apple with aloe vera juice
9. Your dream car: Volkswagen or mini cooper. In red.
10. The room you are in: In my office
12. Your fear: Insecurity
13. What you want to be in 10 years: Wiser and stable. And still taking photos :)
14. Who you hung out with last night: Nas and his family
15. What you're not: An attention seeker.
16. Muffin: Banana with chocolate
17: One of your wish list items: Ipod classic, Iphone, Imac book. *grins*
18: Time: 1.46pm. After lunch.
19. The last thing you did: Went to IMM to windowshop
20. What you are wearing: Gray hood sweater with Jeans
21. Your favorite weather: Windy
22. Your favorite book: Currently is Twilight
23. The last thing you ate: Egg mayo bun
24. Your life: Same script different cast. Hah.
25. Your mood: Im cheery today.
26. Your best friend(S): he knows who he is.
27. What are you thinking about right now? I miss Mustafa centre.
28. Your car: The buses and the trains (Told u, im in a lame mood)
29. What are you doing at the moment?: chatting with my mate.
30. Your summer: Its hot.
31. Your relationship status: unavailable till scheduled. (!!!!??)
32. What is on your TV?: none
33. What is the weather like?: Hot and sunny -______-
34. When is the last time you laughed?: 5 mins ago over something lame.

The price of beauty.

2008-11-06T11:02:00.002+08:00

I was having the usual conversation with a girlfriend of mine when the topic was diverted to makeup companies which uses animals ( especially rabbits) to test their products, resulting in the creatures to go blind from the side effects. I got paranoid of course when she rattled off a list of make up products which does exactly that. That list includes some products which i am currently using so of course lah, parnanoid :D

Since i was on paranoid and disgusted mode, (Imagine rabbits going blind for the sake of human's beauty! How sad!) I went searching for products online which is actually safe to use. (Besides, well, bodyshop)

For those who is actually conscious of what you put on your face or simply curious to know which products are being tested on animals and which doesn't, you might like to check out this site:

http://search.caringconsumer.com/

Part and parcel of life.

2008-11-06T10:01:00.003+08:00

If only.. memories were just as easy to store away..

The way things are.

2008-11-05T12:51:00.006+08:00

1) I miss Annie and Munir. Its been 8 months since they left for Doha and no news that they wanna return to sunny singapore anymore. And our contacts have got lesser and lesser since my laptop went crazy on me and twitter doesn't support smses updates anymore. -___- I miss you kak and abg!! There's no one like both of you over here :(

2) Im getting paranoid over my weight again. God forbid, i have not been really exercising since the end of ramandan and i dread the numbers already on my trusty weighing machine. On top of that, i'm having water retention. Im not weighing myself again anytime soon. Sigh.

3) October's been much better this year compared to other years. I have my mood swings and minor tandrums and all but over all, i have survived and its November already! *grins*

4) At work, I am officially known as Shamira-san as i'm surrounded by japs. And since my vocab usage is limited to ''thank you'', '' hello'' and ''welcome'' and vice versa for them colleagues, i can't help feeling like i'm stranded in japan. Hence, its mute button for me during working hours. hah. Thank god for gmail chat. *winks*

5) I'm still irked by irresponsible people who kept treating me like an ATM machine. This machine is only for deposit & no longer for withdrawal anymore. Enough said.

6) Im currently very bored with my life. I need a challenge. Somewhere, somehow.

A poem by an Africian kid...

2008-11-03T16:10:00.004+08:00

When I born, I black
When I grow up, I black
When I go in Sun, I black
When I scared, I black
When I sick, I black
And when I die, I still black

And you white fellow
When you born, you pink
When you grow up, you white
When you go in sun, you red
When you cold, you blue
When you scared, you yellow
When you sick, you green
And when you die, you gray

And you calling me colored?

It makes sense after all. Lol. So how was your weekend? And not forgetting halloween? I heard theres a blast at most clubs and especially at St james where they actually had some dress-up competition going on. Is it me or has Halloween gotten too commercialised when it is actually for the celts to commemorate the death? Just that, mixed with all the drinking and dancing.. it doesn'tfeel much like a halloween flavor anymore, isn't it? Oh well, what do i know? I'm sure many had their fill of fun memories. I used to be one of those crazy ones after all so must not contradict myself. Must go with the generation. ^^

My weekend was okay. Nothing special i suppose, plans were cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances but it's alright - theres always next time. My laptop's still in computer-heaven so i guess it would still be awhile till i can update and upload pictures properly. :(

It's gonna be quite a november for me, and im looking foward to attend to those special events (aka, weddings) and more excuses to take more pictures. Hah. Which reminds me that i really need to buy another SD card *grins*

Its monday already, and i hope that most of the blues are already gone for all of you out there who is working or even schooling :) Take care, peeps.

All my love,
Mira.

Hot and Cold.

2008-10-30T11:46:00.002+08:00

I heart this clip and music by katy perry.

Notice

2008-10-23T14:53:00.004+08:00

Would not be blogging anytime soon because BOTH my laptop and desktop have gone to PC heaven and awaiting for repair to commerce. Don't ask why all my electronic gadgets get spoiled so easily. Unless i'm cursed or just a plain klutz. Beats me too. I'll be away from 25th- 27th for a chalet get-away; will post up pictures when i have the chance. Till then, do still tag me or sms me for those who has my number.

Love, Mira.

Fame is a double edged sword.

2008-10-20T12:41:00.004+08:00

Below that silver lining above the rainbow

2008-10-20T00:12:00.001+08:00

I'm not in a very good mood these past few days. No, i'm not feeling emo but rather, I got easily paranoid and irritated which i really want to blame on my PMS mode, the weather, anything but the issue itself.

No, not to worry - nothing major has happened. Things are going smoothly for me be it at work or with the love. Ahamduililah.

But then again after a lifetime of practise in insecurities, I often wonder what i have done wrong -even when i'm not exactly at any fault. My weakness, always have been - is to care too much about other people's feelings and neglecting my own. Or rather, i forgave too easily and gave away 2nd chances like giving chocolates to kids.

I wish i have real friends, the ones i could count on .. since i don't really have any family for that, so to speak. I wish my close friends are in singapore (Lin, annie, Joachim) instead of being halfway across the world which makes contacting on a daily basis, so difficult. I wish that i do not know all those friends who have made use of me time and time again, calling me whenever they need something and making me like a fool in the long run. Really, if i have a choice - i would choose to burn bridges to avoid the same senarios again.

I do miss my past. But i rather bury that along with the hatchet to prevent history to repeat once again. Once bitten, I'm always wary and cautious and i tend to avoid even mentioning items/people who reminds me of that hurt. For i do not like my paranoid side. I rather be friendless and alone.

On another note, the sense of not belonging has been lingering since and now i am dreading to go home. I feel lonely and detached, to be frank. i wish i could express all these without getting all choked up. But i just can't. Too complicated.

Words can only do so much for me. I do not need advice nor encouragement to be patient, to be strong, to let it be...

Because i have already told myself to do just that.

I just need .. to be assured that everything is gonna be okay. I need to be secure again. I need to be comforted, the way i want it to be.

Enough said.

P/s: Its a fresh start tomorrow. I'm gonna try to throw all these negativitiy into my personal penseive and that's that. Life, goes on.. after all.

4am

2008-10-19T03:36:00.001+08:00

Tonight, i'm just feeling a little scared, a little insecure and i am not sure why is that so.

Just tell me - I need to know : its all worth it.

The After math.

2008-10-16T12:27:00.004+08:00

It has been a week since I update my blog. Goodness. First things first, thanks for all the wishes and blessings and shootouts for my birthday. *hugs*

I was especially elated when I saw the card the love made for me, black rose and all on my blog itself. Not forgetting the lovely presents you have gotten me the day before my birthday, surprising me with its novelty. I guess, you are still the one who knows me the best. Thank you once again for making feel loved and contented. I have nothing to ask for..

11/12 Oct : I had a fantastic overnight picnic held over the weekend with the love and a close friend who dropped by for awhile. And of course, me being me, prepared tons of food - spaghetti bolgnaise with meatballs, sardine rolls (thanks shaikhah!) and spring rolls (thanks me :d) It was an experience i'm glad i have shared with you :)

No pictures just yet because my baby is spoilt! *sobs* I guess that is one of the major downfalls for this month. Presently, my baby nikon is with its mother company recuperating for a month due to the lack of spare parts on their part :( Hopefully, i will get her back soon. Seriously i do NOT know how to live without my camera since i just NEED to take pictures everyday no matter how merepek the subjects are or how ridiculous i may sound. Hmmmpt.

So nevertheless, i have been feeling rather tired lately perhaps due to the excertion during the weekend and late nights for both monday and tuesday. Slightly fresher today since i had a good night's sleep yesterday ^^ Note to self: Sleep more. I can't afford to be a vampire now that i have come of age ( eg: 25) sigh.

Minor updates:

1) I'm hooked on PODS sneakers chocolate at Cocoa trees.*orgasm*
2) I'm finally gotten the Twilight series! All 4 books! *satisfied*
3) I'm seriously considering going to the gym. i can't be that shy

Time to be back at work. Till then, enjoy the rest of the week while it lasts.

Love, Mira.

The soon-to-be-the-day.

2008-10-10T21:54:00.001+08:00

One picture

2008-10-07T12:27:00.000+08:00

From another angle.

2008-10-06T12:30:00.005+08:00

I have been exposed for the first time to how muslims seek forgivness from their family members and loved ones. The only thought that came through my mind was; if i have a chance, what would i say to the ones that i have hurt in the past? Would i have this chance? Ironically, the ones i'm talking is about my own family and obviously they doesn't follow this particular custom.

Then again, some others might seek forgivness - they might cry - they might say they will change and that they know they are in the wrong - but how remorseful/regretful will they be about their own actions? Especially if they are back to their old ways a few months,weeks or even days down the road. Oh well. who am i to judge?

Another thing i have learn is that, never think too highly of anyone (even for oneself). It could be your best friend, your kin or even your loved one. You might go through thick and thin together for many years but stll; It would be the greatest disappointment and let down ever if they falter from the expectations that you have set for them. Just take it with a pinch of salf if someone changes - for like weather, no one is exactly predictable :)

It might be easier said than done; but i have for one, have learnt the hard way to be emotionally-detached when handling people, even if you care for them. Skeptical, that is me :)

Just some general thoughts which i have observed within the human race. Its been a great but tiring lebaran for me and the other half. Went to many houses and ate a damn whole lot, obviously. So it is REALLY time to start my exercise routine. *pats tummy*

The month end

2008-09-29T23:38:00.001+08:00

How time flies. After a month of fasting, today's already the eve of hari raya at the strike of midnight. I don't have much to prepare except for my clothes as well as helping out my other half's family with the preparations. I don't know how to put in words to describe my actual feelings since it is my very first time celebrating hari raya as a muslim and also with the love's family. I'm experiencing first hand - life in a malay family (even though i knew them for ages )and it's curiously interesting enough to me.

And it seems like i don't know a lot of basic things like what am i suppose to do on Hari Raya itself besides visiting and eating and mingling with relatives? Is it like Chinese new year? Ok, maybe it's just that other than the beg for forgiveness bit. Right, maybe i sound like a total goon here but it's okay - i know the love's gonna guide me there :)

I'm off for the next two days and i am soo looking forward to that. Work's been good even though i'm paired up with this mood swinger crappy middle aged japanese lady who is really not easy to work with. I have to bear with her high-pitched shrills every now and then. But other than that, It's all been good for me. Alhamduililah.

I'm looking forward to October for the first time in my life - many plans and dates are already in the making and i hope it is gonna be a fruitful and joyous month for me as well. And of cos, those spontaneous dates *winks* I'm going to start my exercise routine once again ( like, yawn ) and start reading my twilight series. ( Next: new moon )

I may not find time away from the cooking, curtains, bedsheets and cutting/ peeling of various foodstuffs to blog as well as to update after this entry - So i shall wish all fellow muslims an advance Selamat Hari Raya and to non-muslims mates, happy holidays! Will post up pictures soon, i promise!

Love and peace always
Mira.

Hear from me.

2008-09-27T14:37:00.001+08:00

There are people who can walk away from you.
And hear me when I tell you this
When people can walk away from you: let them walk.

I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you,
loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you,
staying attached to you.
I mean hang up the phone.

When people can walk away from you let them walk.
Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.

People leave you because they are not joined to you.
And if they are not joined to you,
you can't make them stay.
Let them go.

And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person,
it just means that their part in the story is over.
And you've got to know when people's
part in your story is over so that you
don't keep trying to raise the dead.

You've got to know when it's dead.
You've got to know when it's over.
Let me tell you something.
I've got the gift of good-bye.
It's the tenth spiritual gift,
I believe in good-bye.

It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful,
and I know whatever God means for me to have
He'll give it to me.
And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it.
Stop begging people to stay.
Let them go!!

If you are holding on to something
that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life,
then you need to ..LET IT GO!!!

And with that, have a good weekend ahead and selamat berpuasa to all fellow muslims! :)

How to look like a Eurasian.

2008-09-25T21:16:00.006+08:00

Without Plastic surgery that is.

When I mate with:

Hilary Duff.

Britney Spears

AND This is how my other half looks like if he mates with:

Justin Timberlake

And lastly...

When my (Britney) Eurasian look mates with his (Justin) Eurasian baby.

Now who needs plastic surgery? Wahahaha.

The tak makan chilli rasa pedas saga.

2008-09-24T12:32:00.006+08:00

Don't assume that i'm bothered about your life. If you do ever tell me a secret, i will leave it as that. A secret. If you don't know yet - i'm the most bo-chap person around here.

Don't assume that whatever i write would be about you. You're not the only friend in my world and i really have better things to do, like sleeping.

Don't assume that i do not know how to bite back when you step on my tail. Assumptions really doesn't sit well in me.

There would always be one of the human race that leaves you feeling perplexed over their senseless assumptions. But then again, guilty consciences does make one more paranoid than usual. Enough said.

*Still cultivating patience this ramadan. Breathes*

21 questions and counting

2008-09-22T06:50:00.002+08:00

1.)How old do you wish you were?
forever 21
2) Which physical features of the opposite sex do you notice first?
The eyes followed by the fingers. Don't ask.
3) What do you do when vending machines steal your money?
Curse and write a complain letter. Ok, i'm KIDDING.
4) Are you happy with the way you look?
Have to appreciate what I was given but it would be nice if i'm slimmer with a smaller nose! heh.
5) If you had to get a tattoo, where would it be?
I think the skin itself is beautiful in it's nature form
6) if u can be fluent in any other languge, which will it be?
Japanese, hindi and french
7) What languages can you speak?
English, mandarin, malay and i could follow a hokkien conversation :)
8) Are you what your zodiac sign says?
Librans are generally charming so. And i think i have to agree with that. LOL.
9) What hypes you up?
The art of sarcasm, a good book, long lingering hugs and intelligent sparring conversations
10) Would you move for the person you loved?
Of course. Im a gypsy at heart, anyway.
11) Are you touchy feely?
Generally, i am so.
12) Do you believe that opposites attract?
yeah definitely so. We could fight all day, definitely spices everything up!
13) Dream job?
photo jouralist or a painter
14) Favorite channel(s)?
MTV asia. (UTT!!)
15) Favorite place to go on weekends?
in bed
16) Showers or Baths?
baths, no doubt about it
17) Do you paint your nails?
no, its too leceh.
18) Do you trust people easily?
I am a trusting person by nature which i am trying to curb this habit.
19) What are your phobias?
Blindness and the sea. (hah)
20) Do you want kids?
yeah certainly.
21) Do you keep a handwritten journal?
yes. One book per year.
22) Where would you rather be right now?
In bed. Its raining heavily and yet i couldn't sleep.
23) Who makes you feel warm and fuzzy?
Mr Penguin.
24) Heavy or light sleeper?
Very heavy -___-
25) Are you paranoid?
The most paranoid of them all.
26) Are you impatient?
All depends of the importance of the matter
27) Who can you relate to?.
Sarah Brightman
28) How do you feel about interracial couples?
I think its cool. Their babies are confirm interesting. hah.
29) Have you been burned by love?
nailed and burned.
30) What’s your favorite pick-up line?
i think pick up lines are cheesy . Period.

Dance, like no one is watching.

2008-09-21T04:32:00.001+08:00

I am proud of my state of mind. Thank you world. You are beautiful. I hope the people you hold realize that and beautify themselves on the inside.

For if one can be at peace with themselves... anything that happens would be challenged with a light-heart without backing down.

I am content with life because everyday I am on a constant journey to manifest the light in me. :)

The week so far

2008-09-18T22:56:00.001+08:00

I can't wait for the week to end. This particular week started rather poorly so to speak. Coughs and non-stop runny nose plagued my being complete with the on-off fever and vomitting. And it also meant that i'm half or rather a quarter of my usual bubbly self and i have just received a comment that i don't look ''fresh'' anymore. Any vitamins to recommend now? hah. Sigh.

i have also started work this week and to be frank, it has been a drag each morning since i am feeling and looking half-dead. All i want to do is to curl up with a good dose of medicine and bane this whatever virus that is bugging me now! Good timing i must say =( Speaking of which, mama has taken also taken ill again and i realise living in different homes has its own complications as well. I couldn't visit at will most of the time even though home is actually a stone's throw from where i am actually living. Another sigh.

it seems that i have started out this entry on updating on my week but sighing away my two paragraphs already. hmmmpt. On a brighter note, i have finally gotten the Twilight novel, thanks to the love!~ Wheee. Those who are still hesitating, go get it now :) I love the selfless delicious way that vampire, Edward Cullen loves that human girl, Isabella Swan. The book is so intriguing that i ended up finishing the whole book in one night and craving for the rest of the series now. AND I'm looking at necks in a whole new light. !!!!???

I have been craving for a lot of things for the past one week. And I AM resisting them. In failure :(

The medicine's kicking in already and i'm feeling woozy. So i better go sleep and end my nonsense blabber here. Night loves!

When.

2008-09-16T23:07:00.001+08:00

When I keep my slience, it doesn't mean that i am ignorant of what is going on around me.

I am just cultivating my patience.

The bestie outing.

2008-09-16T16:30:00.004+08:00

And so we met again, after a long while. And pig out again. And talk nonsense again. Who else but with my bestie? *grins* Check out what we had for buke:

Really, its hard not to gain weight when i meet him because he will tend to over-order and over-load the table and everyone around us will stare and stare like as though Im the one who made him order that many! I'm paranoid that way. Thank god i stopped him from ordering another 2 more dishes since i have no appetite due to my flu. (I know you are skinny, but i'm on a diet, Khai!!!! Screams.)

We walked around marina and ended up buying ice-cream from Macs and strolled all the way to Raffles Place, updating each other about our lives and plans for the future. (we will always talk about the future!) I'm happy you have found a loved one amidst the many shit you have gone through. Especially if the one is another version of moi. I approved! Hee.

Of course being the ''sitter'' he is, he couldn't stand the ''walker'' in me so we just had to sit down halfway and cam-whore till it's time to go home. Here's one for the album:

The open leg pose. heh.

It's my first day at work and things are great though nothing much to do for now since i have to learn from scratch and the one in charge of me is in a meeting so yeah. I'm still feeling shitty due to my itchy throat and never ending coughs. Urghhh. Half an hour more! Jia you!

1 plus 1 equals 4.

2008-09-15T17:58:00.006+08:00

And so the emo mood is gone except that i am down with flu - what with fever and sore throat and a super runny nose. It's frustrating, really when tomorrow is actually my first day @ my part time job and all you want to do is to sleep it through.

Alright, i know i haven't been exactly been camwhoring (says who?) or uploading my pictures and it doesn't feel like its my blog ( says a few mates of mine ) and so here it is, from a recent date, the cam-whorers:

And To make a point that we have also ugly pictures (duh@!)

1) My futile attempts to cover my ample 'bao' cheeks
2) An over grown baby (urghh)

Don't really have the mood to blog further so i shall end my Monday here.

Good day, mates!

Rain rain go away...

2008-09-13T03:10:00.001+08:00

You know, I am someone who is entirely useless in expressing how i feel inside. I tend to keep mum of my unhappiness till i have reached the maximum bursting point. And even then, it is only to my most trusted loved one. Don't ask me why, i am simply brought up this way to test my own tolerance level.

Maybe i am pmsing and simply having my monthly mood swings but i can't put a finger on what is actually bothering me. Even when things are going well and great, i still worry. hah. That is my another nature. A worrier. Maybe things are not that rosy for me in the past and when it does, i worry that it will be taken away from me? Probably so. i can't wait for my mean reds to go away so that i could be my normal self again without any of this stupid fears.

i have missed home recently. The abode which i have called a recent home doesn't quite feel like home already. It's like i don't belong here or there. It doesn't feel like your own place where you could proudly display the framed pictures or the ornaments which personalises and marks your own space. i don't know.. it just feels cold to me. Not that i am complaining for i should be contented with the roof over my head yet there are times when i feel this way. I can't deny it. I shall again put it down as my mood swings, so yea.

School's going to end by this october for me and i am starting work soon after. How time flies and another chapter is closing soon yet i am anticipating this october even though it is such a peaceful september for me. I have been breaking my fast with the other half's family everyday and it is a lovely feeling for I am enjoying the experience of a tight knitted ties of a family bond. When i have a family of my own, i hope it will be tight as well. Insyaallah.

Tomorrow i am heading out with the other half to break fast together so hopefully this hanging gray cloud which is hovering in my head vanishes already but then again, i will be this noisy irritating brat who is gonna bug his ears off! Heh.

Ok done with the broods, its 3am ( again! ) Time to sleep!!

P/s: I am so getting myself a carton of Essence of Chicken ( And no, it is not to support Utt. I swear =P)

A quick update.

2008-09-12T21:06:00.004+08:00

I woke up much earlier today for sahur with a aching back and runny nose when normally i would just wake up just for a gulp of water before heading straight back to bed.. Irony when I didn't have to fast today. Hmmm. I'm back into my moody mood recently especially when I am home alone with just my computer for companionship. Grrr I hate my mood swings.

Since the start of this Ramadhan, alhamdullilah, i have been feeling peace and contentment which i hope will continue for as long as it could :) I haven't exactly been to a tarawih session yet, hopefully my other half could guide me soon enough.

Other than that, nothing much but enjoying the bliss of this month.

Have a good weekend, peeps :)

This Ramadan.

2008-09-10T17:15:00.001+08:00

In bliss and contented :)